need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
