We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
