I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
