Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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