I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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