I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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