Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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