Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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