I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
