There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He passed out mid-signature
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
