Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Terrible idea I love it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
