he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
