We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
