we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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