it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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