The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
