i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
