It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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