youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
