Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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