i wish my penis had a tongue
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
