Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
