you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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