So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
