I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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