I bet he comes in French.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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