A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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