Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
