I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
