I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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