ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
