As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
