dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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