Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
