I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
