What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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