Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
