No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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