I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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