tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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