Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
