I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
