he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
