wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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