I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
