if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
