omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize