I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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