Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
