I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
