'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
