we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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