when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
