To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's just like the Real World with babies
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize