I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
