She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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