there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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