Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
