i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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