And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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