Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
