I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
