Don't make out with my wife yet
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
