My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize