CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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