Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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