How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
