well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
