I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dick very happy bro
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
